Prisoner of Past

Loneliness has been consuming me for a long time, I scarcely know whether I am living or passing my days. It’s been difficult. There is something that’s not letting me move on. Something keeping me down, confining me in the Prison of Past. This feeling of anxiety and dreadfulness is very new. However, it’s drowning me into depression. I am trying, really hard to get out of it but I fail. It’s like a hole in my heart I can’t fill as though life is getting sucked out of me. I need to do something to save myself, yet the problem is I have no clue. It’s getting harder to live with this emptiness. Everything is a blurred picture before my eyes as the water obscure my vision. With the cheeks wet and stain, under my blanket, I escape the world instead of faking a grin. Darkness feels bliss, where as light shows the misery of my state. The gloom conceals all my weakness my frailties my tears my torment my messy life. As time passes by, I can feel my spirit dying inside me. I don’t know things will ever get better, the agony is killing me. It’s unbearable. It’s like a hot iron pole piercing my heart and turning it into bleeding ocean. I am shuddering, my lips are trembling, my hands are shaky. Lying weakly on the floor, I can see my life getting destroyed. I want to cry till my tears dry and there’s nothing left. Love was never meant for me. It vanquished me, smashed my life, smiled at me and walked away. May be forever.

Jasleen kaur

Scarred Forever 

I got scarred for life. The boy who was everything to me marked me forever. The one who never let me shed a tear, the one who was possessive, the one who couldn’t see me cry, the one who couldn’t see me hurt, scarred me for life. The scars he gave were not merely physical. He pounded my spirit under his feet and left me devasted. He scattered pieces of my heart and never looked back. I had no idea how I would live with these pieces. I was an emotional mess. Nobody knew what was going inside me. Everybody saw the facade put before them showing I am over him. But the reality is I don’t know how to live anymore. I am void and struggling for life inside me.

Sometimes I have nightmares about him, making me jerk awake from sleep. The quick pulsating heart and water in my eyes disclosed to me, I wasn’t in love with him. But I surely was scared of any thought of him. I had lost my old confident and loving self and wounded up being anxious, desolated and unhappy. Rather than falling in love again, I started shielding myself from each woe anybody can give. I have grown stronger. People thought I was being pompous and had an attitude, however that didn’t matter any longer. He changed me forever. This time my guard was very powerful. It won’t be going down soon. I still get nightmares, but that just makes me audacious and determined of letting the only person in who will repair my soul and put together the destroyed heart. I won’t let anyone shatter it for their bliss.

It’s not that i have lost my faith in true love and never will. I will wait for my Prince Charming, who has to be stubborn enough to fight my insecurities with his sword of love to get me. He has to be special one for being part of my life. The boy who scarred me is a distant memory now, has left behind his blemish on me. I have accepted it as my past rather than forgetting it. They show how brave I am to survive the skirmish of hearts and how stronger I have grown as they fade. I got SCARRED FOREVER.

Jasleen kaur